Fake fish and flying boobs
2006-04-20, 8:31 a.m.

Hey, check out my new goldfish!

Ok, so he’s not so much a fish as he is a carrot, but whatever. I have had two fish die in the past week. I just walk in my office in the morning and there they are floating. I am a smart woman. I have done the research. I did everything right. But still I am a fish killer. I bet I have gone thru eight fish since I decided it would be relaxing to have a fish tank in my office.

But I’m not going to kill anymore. So I scooped out the dead fish and threw a baby carrot in the tank. It kind of looks like a goldfish if you don’t look at it too closely. I just wished that he moved around a little bit more instead of just lying there like a lump. Heh. A lump of carrot. I figure I will get the same stress reducing benefits, I just won’t have to sacrifice innocent goldfish to get them.

Heh. I just did something that was so white-trashy.

The boobie area of the evil bridesmaid dress just doesn’t fit right. The cleavage was just all wrong and um, not up high enough to be where it needed to be in that particular dress. I couldn’t find the silicone gel insert things that I bought to wear inside my wedding dress, so I bought another pair on E-Bay. (Hopefully they were new and hadn’t been under some other woman’s boobs. Ewwww.)

Anyways, I got them in the mail yesterday and I decided to try them out so I wore them in my bra today. (No, I don’t normally stuff my bra. Shut up.) A few minute ago, this guy that works here, in the warehouse, walked into my office. (He is a friend of K’s from back when he worked here.) He said that K called him and told him that since it was his birthday, he could touch my boob. (Which of course, he didn’t.) I said, “Ok then, here you go! Happy Birthday!” and took my boob out and threw it at him. Not my actual boob, but the silicone boobie like thing. My boss happened to be standing outside my office at the time and he laughed so hard I think he pottied on the floor. It was funny. I guess it’s not something you would see every day.

Of course now everyone at work thinks I wear fake boobs all the time. As I was sitting at my desk stuffing the insert back into my bra I realized that maybe that wasn’t the classiest way of handling the situation

Damn.

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